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    夜讀許知遠

    高三那一年,承我哥的恩澤,在那個偏遠安寧的山村,我讀到了許知遠。對于一個剛剛開啟思考機制的少年來說,沒有比這更為合適的書籍了。盡管現在有非常多的人表示了他們對許知遠的失望,但是我發現很少有人輕易的批評老許的處女作《那些憂傷的年輕人》,這本書里蘊含了太多的感情,與很多無病呻吟的態度不同,24歲的許知遠對這個世界用情甚深,許知遠在那個時期充當了這個世界的情人之一,他們正處熱戀之中。所以當我看到他那些才華橫溢的文字時,我被那種輕柔的流淌出來的感情圍住了。那時候在我眼中,那是和這個世界發生關系最好的方式,通過癡迷的閱讀和想象,讓自己處于邊緣的狀態,并在這個邊緣里畫一個領地,一個人在這個領地里嘲笑和尊敬這個世界。

    記得在高中的班上,我把《那些憂傷的年輕人》傳給那些和我一樣對大學充滿無限憧憬的少年,由此我們迅速的建立起了一種共同的感情:我們對大學的渴望由這本書開始,也必將由這本書結束。在那些充滿沖動和青春氣息的篇章中,我們找到了我們從未體驗過的一些感情,這些感情是如此柔軟,以至于我們一度認為,對于大學,那幾乎是最合適也是最深刻的表達。他把無所事事的態度變得迷人,他把他的青春痘和困惑、迷惘通過適當的抒情變成一種孤傲的笑容,他把他的閱讀變成一種充滿創造力的活動,在看到這種表達之前,我們太容易滿足于身邊的世界。而他對教育制度的批評是如此不徹底,我們認為,他和高校教育之間,主題感情永遠是愛,因為他似乎比任何人都更迷戀知識,更迷戀那種自由與不自由之間含糊不清的氛圍,他是優秀的。

    處女作里的許知遠,是一個從容的尋求感情和智慧獨立的人,那時候他還沒有染上焦慮的社會疾病,也沒有更大范圍的體驗妥協這種社會藝術,這個世界對他來說,是一個充滿無限樂趣和謎底的場所,在字詞組成的智慧里,他過早的成熟,也過早地得到了消化不同感情的能力。一個偉大的人文學者,對不同感情的融合能力應該是驚人的,由此他們才能洞察隱藏在平凡事物之下的人類感情的秘密。通過視覺的轉換,位置的游移,他從中完成了自我的塑造:他永遠是一塊未曾雕刻完成的玉,沒有特定的模型來塑造同一類型的人物。他是在無數種不同的感情子宮里孕育出來的,因此他擁有完全不同的特質,由于他過分充沛的表達能力,最初的他,那個憂傷的年輕人,看起來如此粗糙,卻讓我們看到了無窮的容納智慧的潛力。

    三年之后的今天,由于過度的沉迷,我染上了精神的疾病。當我再度拿起許知遠的文字時,洋溢起來的是另外的一種感情:在這個紛繁蕪雜并且不甚規則的社會里,許知遠其實得到了很多的幸運。對于他的大學,我們似乎可以理解為他是自學成才的,那些從床上爬到床下、從宿舍里匍匐到圖書館的閱讀歷程,讓他習慣于間接的理解世界的方式,這種方式就是閱讀和思考,我很難想象他快速流暢的完整地讀完一本書,然而在某些詞句的刺激中,通過自我的思考,他得到的遠遠比完整的書本更多,也由此,這種間接的方式在他那里是直接的,他的大腦片刻不停的跳動著不安的因子,不安于某種觀念,不安于某種狀態,不安于某種姿勢,一直在尋找尋找,饑渴的表情在他那里是如此可愛,唯一沒有改變的是他那亂糟糟的發型和難看的臉龐。

    如果你要惹怒許知遠,最好的方式可能就是要求他在感情上循規蹈矩,這個現實世界的“闖入者(于連語)”從不懼怕人們批評他的文字和表達方式,關于他未曾到達實質的說法他很可能不屑一顧,由于獨立,他自成一體的膚淺或者深刻的表達著對這個世界的理解,盡管眾多的批評可能會影響他的某些細微的表達,然而在向往曠闊的方向上,他從未改變這種傲慢的態度。對于別人的批評,那僅僅是幫他按摩,在感情上他從不輕易的動搖自己,除了大環境的影響。這樣的人最難以得到的態度就是平和,很多人批評他的過于西化的觀念,然而對于他自身感情的理解,除了他的觀念,再也沒有更深一步。我認為他擁有現代中國人的感情,然后擁有古希臘的古典的感情智慧。在不久之前,他承認他不可能永遠都以世界公民的身份出現,只是對于中國的傳統文化,由于性格上的偏差,從未在他的表面上浮現出來。我相信在他的大學年代,在他閱讀中國古典文化書籍的年月里,他比更多的年輕人擁有更好的見解,因為他擁有更多的角度和更為孤傲的心態。

    三年過去了,我們從許知遠偶爾流露的抒情中仍然發現,那個在為名湖畔的年輕人還是沒有太大的改變,他把自己投入這個規模盛大的潮流之中,企圖在里面扮演觀察者的角色。至今為止,我承認他的這種姿態算是成功的,他揭開了這個世界由智慧貫穿起來的那一面,他與隱秘的感情世界的那點連接從未中斷,這樣他就保持著理想主義者的激情,哪怕這種激情演變為了姿態,那仍然是值得我們尊敬的。在為數不多的具有影響力的年輕人中,他是讓我們眼前一亮并且柔和的一個,他保持的那種智慧的溫度在他的一本接一本的著作中反復出現,反復的被擴大,反復的被更多的年輕人引用為自身的感情。只是在這種溫度之下,他偶爾表現出很深的疲憊,一個在大潮中不停的開動大腦的人,當他疲憊之時,我們應該理解這種疲憊,因為這種疲憊是個人情感的過濾通道之一,通過這種過濾,我們似乎更能得到堅持下去的理由。

    我承認我是受許知遠影響甚深的一個。在我的少年時代,我閱讀的都是中國的傳統著作,感受的中國文人的感情。到步入青年時期,我們都瘋狂的閱讀西方的文化著作,并從里面找到更為直接和不虛偽的東西。并由此對英文產生自發的興趣。我們一面想成為世界公民,一面有著傳統感情的限制。作為一個觀察者,許知遠做的永遠不夠多,不夠好。可能隨著時間的推移,他的這種依托于表達方式的痕跡將消失,而是讓自身造就的感情更質樸的顯現出來,對于一個人來說,那種在成長中培養起來的固有情感最是不可改變的。通過他,我們看到了他們那一代人的許許多多的共同點和生活的核心意識,雖然他從未清晰的表達過那一代人的感情和觀念,我們也沒有更深刻的體味過,但是我們還是游移式的理解了在一個社會中,每一個時代的人擁有的不同的感情特質。因為在經過沮喪和失敗之感后的今天,我還會在夜里閱讀他,閱讀這個不再憂傷的年輕人的對這個世界的理解,由此充滿期待的向往著明天。

    (來源:博客中國,作者:袁松巍)

    責任編輯: 韋海生

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